Continuing our theme of Moms Writing About Sleep, and to close out the month, Lydia's mom sends us a dispatch from the Department of After-Midnight Snacking.
Do you wake up at 2:36 a.m.? Do you thrash about in bed like a crocodile, or alternately attempt to lie perfectly still while scrolling through important stories on your phone, such as “750 Hollywood Stars Who Have Aged Really, Really Badly” or “63 Egregious Tattoo Misspellings”? Or do you sometimes just play 100 hands of iPhone solitaire while not sleeping?
I admit to being guilty of all the above - to being seduced by the blue light emitted by my phone screen, and then held hostage by it, as the hours tick by. Luckily, however, I've discovered there is a cure for sleepless nights like this, and it doesn't necessarily have to sound like "Ambien dependency."
After reading "Plastic Surgeries Gone Wrong!" or losing solitaire three times in a row, I put the phone down and shuffle out to the kitchen. There, by the dim non-blue light, I ritualistically prepare a special snack with magic, soporific qualities. The recipe is not complicated - you may be surprised to have the ingredients for witchcraft already in your own cupboard - but it must be followed exactly in order to work. Combine the following:
* a large bowl of Rice Krispies
* very cold whole milk
* processed white sugar
* the smallest spoon in the house
Sooner or later I will read in "Top Ten Ways to Beat Insomnia" or maybe in Science magazine that this recipe is a verifiable antidote to sleeplessness. In the meantime, trust me. One main element of its magic is that Rice Krispies are incredibly quiet - they will wake no one. In fact, they practically sing you to sleep! Think about it (I want to point out to the Kellogg's marketing people via email at three in the morning), it's just toasted rice. Though you are promised otherwise, in truth Krispies create almost no noise at all: just a subtle, friendly lullaby of a swoosh into the bowl. The addition of whole milk initiates a barely audible snap of sound, but the immediate dusting of sugar dampens any hesitant crackle. Like an injured dancer in A Chorus Line, Pop doesn't even make an entrance (I'm always thinking of the best analogies at night).
As a bonus comfort during those lonely, sleepless hours is the fact that - technically speaking - when you eat Rice Krispies you're not alone. SNAP! CRACKLE! and POP! are there, too! In spirit, anyway. On the box. Over the course of a recent wakeful night, I discovered on ricekrispies.com that SNAP! CRACKLE! and POP! are in fact 83 years old. Would you believe it? In contrast to Hollywood movie stars, they have not aged at all - though I have to quickly check on how badly time has treated, say, John Travolta or Meg Ryan (Meg!) to confirm that.
As I continue to eat my bowl of Krispies - given such a small spoon, it's a herculean task that makes me tired to even think about - I mull over the idea of getting a tattoo to commemorate my nightly ritual and the lasting friendship between the four of us: would it say SNIP! CRINKLE! and PUP? Ah, no matter...the magic is kicking in and it's time to sleep.